Cutting back on cardio. . . wait, what?!

That's right. If you know me, you know I love cardio. For the past few months, I haven't been doing much in the way of strength training at all. I know, I know. I have heard from everyone that if you want to lose weight fast and tone up, you NEED to do strength. Well, kids, I have been doing strength training and falling in love with it. I'm going to cut back the cardio to half an hour and throw in more strength training and weight lifting. I just feel like I don't know what to do, how many reps to do, how often to do it, and how it should feel so I know I'm doing enough to see good results. Should I always feel a bit sore, is that what I'm going for? I'm a strength training idiot! Help!


I'm also trying something new for dinner tonight. . . I'm cooking salmon. I'm thinking oven roasting it will be the easiest way to cook it all the way through. I am not a medium rare girl. I like things cooked through, thanks. I have been craving salmon for a while, but I never thought to cook it at home. I was at the grocery store last night (Sunday night is my favorite time to shop) and I came across Henry & Lisa's Wild Alaskan Salmon with an Asian marinade. I'm going to leave the marinade off and save 60 calories and have it with a side of asparagus spears. That is, if this is actually successful. I'm kind of nervous about cooking salmon and having it turn out awful and giving myself food poisoning.


It's still cold in Minnesota. I'm aching for warm weather and not having to wear shoes and coats anymore. I want to run outside! Grumblegrumblegrumble.




1 hour later...
I took a nap, woke up with the biggest sugar craving I've had in months. I have salmon in the oven, but I'm not even hungry for it. All I want is chocolate and peanut butter and LOTS of it. Ugh, this always happens to be when I take a nap, or accidentally fall asleep on the couch using the cat as a pillow. I wake up fiending for food, usually junk food! NOM NOM NOM GIVE ME CHOCOLATE.




2 hours after that...
I gave in. I had a bunch of chocolate. I baked salmon and then decided healthy food just wasn't going to work tonight as the salmon was in the oven. So I had cereal. Lots of cereal. And peanut butter. I hate this feeling of being out of control and giving into cravings. I was rocking all day long and eating well, I even did strength training, and I gave into a weird craving. I wasn't even that hungry when I had cereal, I just wanted to binge on something. Feeling a little down on myself. Tomorrow is a new day, yeah, but right now I feel like a failure today.

A double dose of post. This one is a doozy.

I've been reading the Prior Fat Girl blog. She has guest bloggers write every once in a while. Jen and Elle reflected on what it was like to remember being obese. To remember not being able to shop in stores like Express, not being able to sit in an airplane seat, not being able to fit in an airplane bathroom, to fear swimming, to have to turn sideways to get into a bathroom stall, to feel comfortable in only black clothes, and being the fattest girl in the room.


I am not the fattest girl in the room. I could always fit comfortably (well as comfortable as one can be) in an airplane seat. I've never had to turn sideways to fit into a bathroom stall. I still love swimming. I wear a size 10 in pants at stores like Express. Most days, I feel like I look good in my clothes. I'm not saying this to be like, "HA! At least I'm not as pathetic as those girls were!" I'm saying this because I know if I were continue on the unhealthy path I was on, eating the way I did, and not getting enough exercise, I would have gotten to the point where I would have known what it was like to be obese and have those everyday struggles happen to me.


You see, I'm on the edge of overweight. My BMI is 25.8, my body fat percentage is around 30%, and before I started on this journey, I weighed somewhere between 180-183 pounds. I weigh 175.5 right now, as of this morning. There, I said it. Not that anyone subscribes to my blog, but just putting that out there is a big step for me. I don't want to be obese, I don't want to be overweight, and I don't want to be horribly skinny. I simply want to be a healthy, confident, beautiful woman who lives a healthy lifestyle of eating right and exercising regularly. I want to be that way for the rest of my life. 

It's Sunday again!

1.5 pounds down from last Sunday! I'm at a total of 4.5 pounds, officially as of this morning! Yes!


I got myself to the gym yesterday before lunch with my mom and sister. Ran on the treadmill, did a mile and then some intervals for half an hour. Then I did some strength. I love the leg press. Love love love it. Why? My booty. I can not only feel it in my quads, but I can feel it in my booty. Let me tell you something about me: I have a ghetto booty. Really, I do. I'm not saying it because I have a warped view of my body and I hate my butt, but my butt is curvy. And I like it. I like the proportion of booty to the rest of me. I just want me as a whole to be smaller all over, more toned, with less jiggly bits. My booty gets a lot of attention, (sometimes unwanted,) it has fans. 


I didn't do too great on eating yesterday. I had lunch with my mom and sister, ordered a light meal of this pasta dish that they said had about 487 calories and the salad bar. My plan was to only eat half the pasta and have a ton of salad, but then my sister ordered guacamole, salsa, and chips. I could not help myself! Ugh, from there is just did not get better. I wanted something sweet, so I went to the frozen yogurt place, ordered a kid's cup with strawberries and raspberries. There wasn't that much frozen yogurt in it and there was a ton of fruit, so that was good. But then I got to work and we needed to eat dinner before bartending the bat mitzvah coming in, so my coworker got Noodles. I wasn't even hungry and I had to force it down because I thought I wasn't going to get a chance to eat when the guests got there and we were scheduled to go until midnight. Well, I was wrong! This lady said she felt bad for us and brought us ice cream and cupcakes. The ice cream was only a couple of very small scoops, so I ate it and had two bites of the cupcake. The parents of the 13 year olds didn't want their kids out too late, so they ended the party at 10:00pm. We got out of there around 10:30pm, which I was so grateful for. 


I was so sick since that cupcake. I bet if you had put a bucket, trash can, or toilet in front of my face and said, "CUPCAKE." I would have thrown up. I guess I just can't handle sugary foods anymore, which is a good thing because now I know what will happen if I have too much dessert and I'll avoid it. I could barely stand up for the rest of the night! I got home, had some toast to calm my belly, and passed out on the couch mid conversation with my roommate. Woke up about 11 hours later in my bed at 10:00am with my voice completely gone and a dry cough. 


Ugh, I just want to be healthy enough so I can get on a regular gym schedule. Why am I getting so sick recently? It seems like I've been battling one thing or another for a week now. It's cramping my running style. I have a training session on Wednesday morning. I hope I survive! How do you feel about working out when you're sick? 


But hey, smile on my face, I lost 1.5 pounds this week with minimal working out! It just really proves how your eating habits can affect your weight loss. I worked out twice this week and I lost 1.5 pounds just by sticking to staying under 1,500 calories a day in fruits, veggies, almonds, and lean protein. I even had some yummy desserts in there. This is awesome!

Worked earned me M&Ms

Wow, running a small bar and restaurant by yourself it's exhausting. I was all alone at work today, with every table taken and a full bar. I made a ton of money, but I was literally running around nonstop for about 2 hours straight. And I'm not kidding when I saying running, I at one point was sprinting from table to bar to table. We were packed! It slowed down after a couple hours and I was starving, so I figured I earned myself a couple of guilt free M&Ms. And I only had about 10! I definitely burned that many calories during the rush.


So, I know Sundays are weigh in days, but last Sunday didn't go so well, and I've been doing really well with eating this week, so I stepped on the scale. That water weight I thought I lost a couple days ago, turns out it might just be actual weight. 2 pounds of it. My aunt told me about keeping the idea of "just lose 10 pounds." So, I'm adopting that idea. I'm going to lose just 10 pounds right now. And then once that's gone, lose another 10 pounds. So, right now I'm 5 pounds into my first 10 pounds! Feels pretty darn good. The one thing I have to say about my diet is I have been cutting calories in order to make room for my end of the day desserts, which may include a VitaTop, a Weight Watchers ice cream treat, or a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. Today, I cut out an apple and a tangelo (WHAT?!) to make room in my calories for TWO VitaTops. That is not good. I should be cutting out a slice of cheese if I want dessert, not cutting out fruit, and I should not be having 2 desserts at the end of the day. That's just my gluttonous ways finding loopholes in my eating rules. Tomorrow, I will have ONE small dessert and eat my fruit. 


The one thing I have not been doing so well with at all is working out. This week hasn't been good. I ran on Monday and had my sad little run on Wednesday, but that's been it. I've been sick and busy. I can feel myself losing my sanity without running. Tomorrow before lunch with my mom and sister, I'm going to the gym and running a couple miles. I'm looking forward to it, that is if I can get a decent night's sleep. 


My horrible upstairs neighbors are partying tonight. How do I know? They invite a bunch of friends over, walk around in high heels for an hour, scream and yell, blast some music, then leave around 9:30pm. I know I can expect them to come home around 2:30am, yelling, stomping and blasting some more music. I knocked on the ceiling and yelled "take your shoes off!" And they all stomped around extra loud. A$$holes. I'm calling the landlord, even if they come home quiet, but let's face it, they are not nice people and they won't come home quiet.


Any advice on how to deal with loud neighbors? I'm not trying to make enemies, but sometimes they are just LOUD and it's really disruptive. They wake us up most nights a week. Am I just grumpy, or is that ridiculous? I sure hope I don't disturb the people underneath me like that! I haven't heard any complaints. . . But maybe they're not as big of a grump as me and can handle some noise. 


Ugh, people suck. I was in a good mood until they ruined it.

Running in winter

So, I was wide awake at 7:15am, naturally! I needed bandaids pretty badly for my war wound last night. I didn't think a chunk of paper towel taped to my finger with artist's tape would hold up for the rest of the day. I decided to jog to the store. I pictured myself jogging, happily down the sidewalk, picking up some bandaids, and jogging back to do some strength training before class (UGH, class.) I laced up my shoes, put on all the appropriate layers I read about online, and headed out on my bandaid jog. 


I didn't figure in the ice factor. I walked half of the .5 miles to the store because there was so much ice and I was not about to risk a broken ankle or another hit to my knee. I got more and more frustrated with winter as I went, came home in the worst mood, did a wall sit and said, screw it. I know, it's not doing me any good to skip strength training but winter is an awful season for anyone who has to walk or drive outside to get anywhere (unless you can fly) and I hadn't had coffee yet. 


I miss running outside. I'm feeling very cooped up right now and I am so sick of winter I can barely stand it. I get this way at this time every year, as I'm sure most of us who live in the tundra do. I hate my winter coat, I am sick of wearing shoes, and my winter clothes are all ugly. I want to wear sandals, shorts, dresses, tank tops. I want to leave the house without putting on a shirt, pants, jacket, parka, snowpants, scarf, hat, mittens, gloves, ear muffs, 5 pairs of socks, shoes, snow boots, and hitching up the sled dogs to get me to class and work. Ok, maybe I'm getting a bit dramatic. How do you guys deal with the winter-cooped-up-grumpies? My mom gets so sick of winter and having to wear her coat that she gets to the point where she refuses to wear her coat anymore. That's right, she boycotts her coat. Even if it's still cold outside. Oh mom.


I used to handle the winter cooped up grumpies by baking brownies and cookies and eating them all in two days. I guess I can't really do that anymore. I need some other way to get over the grumpies. Working out helps, but I'm getting sick of running inside. Have you ever had this feeling? How do you get over this feeling?


I've still got a ways to go before my body is ready for summer, so maybe it's a good thing it's still bundling season. Once I finish this post, drink my coffee, and finish my breakfast, I'll do some wall sits and plank holds. Better than nothing, right?

I'd rather post twice in a day than eat my feelings

Here I sit with a ring finger that will not stop bleeding. A war wound from cutting up an onion for my turkey burger recipe, (my own creation.) I was in a bad mood after work because I was tired, dreading all that I have to do in class tomorrow, and starving. I really should have picked something faster to make and eat than turkey burgers that take about 45 minutes to prepare and cook, but damn it, I wanted a turkey burger and I wasn't about to be satisfied by anything else. I threw a fit when I cut my finger because it derailed my mission for turkey burgers for 10 minutes. I was that hungry and tired.


It hit me. . . I wanted the flavor of a turkey burger, packed full of onions and garlic, more than I wanted anything else, including dessert. And as I'm sitting here writing this post, I'm craving the raspberries and tangeloes in my fridge. (If you don't know what a tangelo is, read my earlier post, then go out and buy yourself a dozen. You will fall in love like I did.) My point is, I'm actually craving healthy things, more than anything else right now. It's a weird feeling to crave something like raspberries instead of a brownie. Don't get me wrong, a brownie sounds amazing right now, but I'm not battling an intense craving for one. There's a difference.


My boss brought cupcakes to work today. They were mini and we cut them in half and shared 2. So, I had one cupcake and half a salted caramel macaroon. Yes, you read that correctly, salted caramel macaroon. Sweets Bakeshop in St. Paul has amazing treats, and they have mini options too! I tried one called a samoa and another that was thyme and honey, along with half a salted caramel macaroon. Delicious. But, the real victory was how I was satisfied with the couple of bites I had and changed around the foods I was planning on eating later in the day to make up for the unexpected calories from my treats. I skipped my chocolate roasted almonds and had half a cup of snow peas as a side for my turkey burger.


I didn't make it to the gym today. I think I'm battling a sinus infection or cold and winning. It must be the combination of copious amounts of green tea (I'm peeing every 10 minutes) and vitamin C from my tangelo obsession. I'm thinking about bringing my gym bag with me and hitting the treadmill after school. I know I'm going to need a way to relieve some stress. Man, I'm dreading class tomorrow like no other. A bad day at class makes me want to go home and eat my feelings in peanut butter. It might be a healthier choice to work out rather than eat my stress.


I gave into my raspberry craving. It's OK, they're only 1 calorie a piece, and I've only had 10. Yum!


In case you were interested, here is the turkey burger recipe I was throwing a fit over:


1.25 pounds extra lean ground turkey (Jennie-O only has 1.25 packages)
1/2 to 1 whole white onion, minced (Depends on how much you like onions)
Minced cloves of 1 head of garlic
1 egg, beaten
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
Salt and pepper


Combine all ingredients and mix well. Form into 5 equal patties and form them well; the added veggies can make them fall apart if you don't form them well enough. Spray a frying pan lightly with canola oil spray and heat the pan over medium-high heat. Cook turkey burgers about 5 minutes on each side until cooked all the way through. I cut one in half to make sure it's cooked through as there is no medium rare with turkey. You have to cook it all the way, otherwise, bad things happen. Makes 5 quarter pound burgers.


Nutrition: 150 calories, 2.4g fat, 0.3g saturated fat, 98mg cholesterol, 100mg sodium, 27.4g protein


I have my turkey burger with a 45 calorie slice of Kraft 2% American cheese on a 100 calorie english muffin with a tablespoon of ketchup, 20 calories, for a grand total of 315 calories for a burger! SO GOOD.

The average American eats how many calories a day?!?!

3,800. Google it: "average American calorie consumption." I guarantee you that the answers you find will be around 3,800 calories. THIRTY-EIGHT-HUNDRED CALORIES?! That's more than twice what I've been eating in a day. That is 2.5 days worth of calories for me! 


Actually, I'm not that surprised. Just considering what I used to eat in a day before I made the decision to get healthy and lose weight, it makes sense. Considering what my friends eat when we go out, they all probably eat that much in a day, most days a week. And you know what? As I'm fighting to lose weight, get healthy, and eat everyday like a healthy person should, I find myself getting angry at my friends. They eat fried food, burgers, chips, drink beer after beer, and will tell you (while laughing) that they haven't worked out in months. I have friends who are tiny, maybe a size 2 or 4, who eat Taco Bell, KFC, McDonald's, smoke cigarettes, drink juice and pop instead of water, drink alcohol every weekend, and haven't been to a gym in recent memory. It makes me angry. I'm working my ass off (literally) and they sit there, being lazy, and can still look good in a bikini. Some of my friends seem shocked at what I'm doing. "What? You're not drinking?! WHY?!" "They have half off appetizers and $2 beers and you DON'T want to come and pig out?!" "You wake up at 8:00am even on weekends and go to the gym? Saturday and Sundays are for sleeping in and doing nothing!" I've been hearing it all for weeks now, and it's getting old. Excuse me for making sacrifices for my health.


But you know what? In a few years, their magical metabolism will tank, they will feel the effects of the bad food and lack of exercise, and I will be able to run circles around them. I actually think I could run circles around them right now, even with this cold I'm fighting. I am making moves to get healthy and be healthy for the rest of my life. Gone are the days of eating burgers and fries, while drinking full calorie beer. In 10 years, I will still look and feel great. In 20 years, my skin will still be smooth and healthy while all those who smoke cigarettes and don't drink enough water will have wrinkles. I'm not just getting healthy to look good this summer, I'm getting healthy to look good and feel great the rest of my life. My unhealthy friends can have the bad food, alcohol, and soda, while I can have more healthy years added to my life.


I've been reading the blog PriorFatGirl. She started blogging in 2008, so I've got some catching up to do! Let me tell you, that chick has a head on her shoulders. She's real and she talks about all the struggles I'm going through. She'll tells you up front that she's not perfect, she falls off the wagon every now and then, but she also gets right back on. She doesn't let a bad food day get her down, she tells you that she knows what she did wasn't good, (but it tasted good,) but she's ready to get back on track tomorrow.  She quoted a book, Skinny Bitch, that really struck a cord with me:


"Recognize that anything worth having is worth fighting for. Good health, vitality, more energy, more confidence, better sex, great abs, a tight ass – you either want ‘em or you don’t. You can continue plodding along in your life feeling like your not living up to your glorious potential or you can dedicate yourself to creating the life you want. F*ck excuses about not having the time or the money. You spend forty hours a week working, or more if you are a working mom. Certainly your health and your body and you are more important than anything else in your life. You are worthless to your colleagues, friends, and family if you do not value yourself enough to take care of you. Yes, you have to put yourself before your friends, parents, boyfriend, husband and even your children."


It's true. You have to fight for good health. There is a reason getting fat happens to people who are too lazy to fight for their health. It's easy, you don't have to put in effort to get fat. Sit on your butt and eat that cheeseburger, drink that 2 liter bottle of Coke, and have some chips on the side. You have to work for it. It's not easy, but if you make the time for it, change how you live, you can be healthy. 

Getting sick

So, as I was falling asleep last night, I felt like I could vomit. I didn't, I got to sleep fine around 10:30pm and woke up at 8:00am. That should have been more than enough sleep, but I woke up still feeling yucky in my tummy, and with the added bonus of a sore throat/congestion. So, I emailed my professors that I wouldn't be in class today and went back to sleep.


For 4 hours. That is how I know I'm really fighting something. If I can sleep like that and want to crawl into bed at 7:30pm, I'm getting sick. It's a big bummer because I was getting back into my running routine after my quads healed up. I'll see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow and make the call then. I've been getting my vitamin C, drinking water, and tea all day long.


Speaking of vitamin C, have you ever tried a tangelo?! Ohhhh my goodness, you are missing out on the best tasting fruit ever. A tangelo is only around 60-70 calories, is packed with vitamin C, has the sweetness of an orange, but the tart kick of a grapefruit. I guess they are a cross between tangerines and something called a pomelo. I'm head over heals for these things. I bought 11 of them at the grocery store today and I may or may not have had 2 already . . . It is love.


Even though Sunday are weigh in days, I decided to step on the scale today. By some magic, I'm down 1.5 pounds from Sunday. How is that possible? Water weight? I don't know. Have you ever had that happen? I find it hard to believe that I lost 1.5 pounds of real weight in 3 days. We'll see what happens on Sunday morning for the actual weigh in day!


Oh, I almost forgot to tell you the good things that happened today. That's something I'm working on: Every day I'm going to sit down and think about the good things that happened to me that day. Today I scored an interview at a cool restaurant near my place. I think it went well, so fingers crossed! Also, I got a sweet little package in the mail from my friend who is on a weight loss journey of her own. She sent me a t-shirt from her school that says "Varsity Sports" on the front, and "Run hard, live easy" on the back. It came with a card to let me know she was thinking about me. I almost teared up, I was so touched. It makes me smile to know I have people like her in my life, in my corner, pushing me along.

Measurements are annoying/necessary

My quads finally felt good enough to go running again. (What good is doing quad exercises to the point of making them so sore I can't walk, much less run for the next few days?) I was honestly going crazy not being able to run. It has become what I do for my sanity. As much as I do it for the cardiovascular benefits, I do it to clear my head, refocus, and feel like I've done something with myself that day. I feel myself getting stronger everyday and I love working hard towards that goal.


On a lamer note. (Lamer, it's a word.) My trainer measured me today. I honestly didn't know where I should be measuring my waist. I had been measuring the narrowest part, of course, but he measured around my belly button. Yeah, that number scared me. Maybe some day I will be able to tell you what that number is (slash WAS because it WILL go down,) but right now I'm feeling to ashamed to spill my secret. I was slightly amused to learn that my thighs and biceps are different sizes, right versus left. My right side is larger by half an inch! I'm lopsided, this is just silly.


I have been kicking butt in the not giving into cravings department. I went to my mom's house and didn't even go near the bowl of chocolate. We went to a vintage shop and they had a plate of chocolate cookies, I looked at them, knew I wanted one, but didn't. (By the way, you need to go to the Cottage House on 43rd and Chicago in South Minneapolis. It is the most fabulous vintage shop that is only open one weekend a month. It has good prices and beautiful things. I am going next month for sure!) Today, I was at work and I had forgotten my apple and almonds, and I wanted nothing more that to dive into our Chexmix bowl, but I didn't. I didn't go near the cookies leftover from lunch. I didn't consider the artichoke dip as I brought it to tables. I didn't let it tempt me and take control. Last night after dinner, I wanted to eat a bunch of peanut butter, but I had tea instead. Each time I fight a craving, it's hard, but I know that if I want to achieve my goal, I have to push past the craving and keep on going.


Each day is a challenge. Each day is one day closer to the goal.

Sunday mornings are weigh in day . . .

I gained half a pound.


Not surprising when I think about all the cheating I did yesterday. I also did not work out as much as I should have, but it wasn't really my fault. I had every intention of running Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, but my trainer had me do too much quad strengthening on Wednesday. I could barely walk or sit down for 3 days, much less run. I've been frustrated and grumpy all week long because I'm feeling very out of balance without getting in my running. I suppose I can look at that like a good thing though. I want to run and I feel physically and mentally unbalanced when I can't/don't. I feel so much better in every way when I run regularly.


I'm mad at myself. I set out this week to stick to staying under in my calories and work out 4 times, and I didn't do it. I only have myself to blame. Today is a new day, new week.


My goals for the week:

• Stay under 1,500 calories a day.
• No taking tiny bites here and there. Those add up.
• Find a new recipe to try for dinner.
• Run on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday mornings.
• Strength training on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. 
• Get to bed at 11 every day.
• No cheat meal this week. I want to see what staying on track 100% of the time will do for me.

I'm taking this one week at a time, focusing on Sunday through Saturday. Every day is a challenge, but I'm ready for it.

Day One Starts Tomorrow... Again

Today, I was told about a friend of a friend who has lost almost 50 pounds to date. That is like an Olsen twin, gone from her body. She looks phenomenal. I had dinner with her tonight for a friend's birthday and I could not stop marveling at her and how much she's accomplished. As creepy as it sounds, I was watching as she ate, and I could not believe the willpower she had. We ordered lots of food to share and she took small portions of the better food choices, while I helped myself to a bunch of everything. It really got me thinking about myself and my relationship with food. If it's in front of me, I will eat it, all of it, until I'm sick.

I've always had a bad relationship with food. I remember being in preschool, decorating cookies and cupcakes for Valentine's day, and being so annoyed that I had to wait to eat my cookie because I had to decorate it first, that I ate it, then lied to the teacher about not getting a cookie so I could have another one. I remember coming home from school, plopping down in front of the TV with 3 snack size bags of chips before dinner. Even as an adult, I can plow through entire frozen pizzas, no problem. 

I eat when I'm tired, I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm sad. I eat a lot and I eat a lot of things that aren't good for me. I have a bad day and I think, "f*ck it, I'm ordering a large pizza from Papa John's and eating it all because I just don't care about anything anymore." That thought consumes me for the rest of the day, even if my day turns around and I'm in a good mood when I get home. I can't help myself, it takes over and I go into autopilot and eat without thinking. 

I've learned that I'm not one of those people who can have "just a little bit." Moderation is something I have to force and it takes every ounce of will to force it. If there is a burger and fries in front of me, I cannot stop eating until it's gone, even if I'm comfortably full half-way through. It's like my brain turns off that voice that tells me, "stop eating, Erin, you are full, that's enough." Actually, it's more like I lose consciousness while I'm binge eating and come to when it's all over and the only thing I can do is wonder, "WHY DID I DO THAT?"

I've learned that the best way to keep myself from overeating is to not even go near foods that are bad for me. I can't have just a bite of cake, or half a cookie. It's easier for me to not have cookies at all than to have just one cookie. My relationship with food is something that has to change.

I'm not a complete lost cause. I've come a long way in my overall fitness and activity levels. I fell in love with running this summer. Yes, me, the girl who for years proclaimed her pure hatred for running, actually loves running. I said I hated it because I didn't think I could do it, but you know what? I can. I'm a good runner. I ran a mile in under 9 minutes last week. I started running in June 2010 at the YMCA, because I realized the elliptical was boring and didn't challenge me enough. I hopped on a treadmill and could barely run half a mile, but that half a mile made me realize I wanted to be able to run a full mile without stopping. So, I worked up to that mile. Then I worked up to another mile. I bought my first pair of real running shoes and didn't look back.

Somewhere in August I started running outside with the goal of running all the way around Lake Harriet: 2.75 miles, no walking. In September, I accomplished my goal: I ran all the way around Lake Harriet without walking once. I cried right there at the lake. I cried because I couldn't believe I could actually accomplish a goal I set for myself. I moved onto Lake Calhoun, 3.1 miles around. After a couple weeks, I was able to run around that lake without stopping. I had never run that far, ever. I can't tell you how incredible I felt.

I've been pretty active with regular running almost all fall and winter. I'm running 2-4 miles a day, 3-5 times a week. Now, let me tell you, I never make New Years resolutions, but this year I decided to get fit. I joined LA Fitness and love it. I don't care if people think that fancy gyms are a waste of money. I will spend $30 a month to go to a gym that I like. It's clean, the machines are nice and have TVs to watch while I run, it's flashy, some of the guys are nice to look at, and damnit I like going there. It makes me want to go and run because I like going there. I hired a trainer 2 times a month to hold me accountable and give me motivation and variety.

I've lost 4 pounds. That's not a lot for the amount of time I've put into my goal and I know why. It's my eating habits. I still give into cravings, I still binge eat, and I still cannot go out to eat and limit myself. I am working on it, but it's hard. However, I've made steps to being healthier. I'll tell you the changes that I have made to my diet:

• I quit drinking alcohol entirely. The only things I drink are water, tea, coffee and the occasional Diet Coke. I drink at least 3 liters of water a day.
• I cut out red meat. No more burgers, no more steak. I eat turkey and chicken.
• I cook more. I bring my lunch to school in my T.C. the Bear lunchbox like a 3rd grader.
• I count calories with an app on my iPod touch.
• I take vitamins and a calcium supplement, every single day.
• Veggies and fruits are in every meal and most snacks.
• I have put myself on a regular sleep schedule. I go to sleep early and I wake up at 8am everyday, including weekends.

So, what is my goal? I want to lose 30 pounds (well, 26 now.) 30 pounds of weight loss will put me into a healthy BMI and lower my body fat percentage into the healthy range. (My trainer opened my eyes to how unhealthy I am and how I'm approaching the "O-word" with my body fat percentage.)  I want to be a better, faster, stronger runner. I also want to run the Monster Dash Half Marathon in October. 13.1 miles, no stopping. Yeah, I would be lying if I said wanting to lose weight didn't have some basis in wanting to look good. Of course I want to look good. I want to put on a bikini and feel comfortable in front of people. I want to feel confident, strong, and sexy. 

Why am I blogging? I need a place to let it all out. I need a place to vent about how much it sucks, a place to celebrate my little accomplishments, and a place to share my journey and maybe help someone else along the way. I will be posting recipes, finding inspiration, pleading for support, and sharing little things that make me smile and make each day a bit easier.

It's time for bed. I am approaching tomorrow as Day One all over again. I need a fresh start and a fresh dose of motivation.