I have fallen so far off that wagon that it's miles away and I'm too full of bad food to go catch it. I've gained back 4 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I haven't been eating well, I've been giving in to temptation left and right. My self-control is gone! Where oh where did it go?!
I've lost focus. I guess I'm just so sick of constantly thinking about food. It's annoying to not be able to just EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON and not have to count every calorie, think about every meal. It seems like food is what I spend 50% of my day thinking about, and believe me, I've got a lot of other things to think about. I'm so sick of not being able to be around food and not want to devour it, or reading a yummy recipe for cookies and be hit with an uncontrollable craving for sugar. I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL WITH FOOD! I want to be able to go to a restaurant and order something healthy without having an internal battle with myself over wanting to order fries and grease.
Yesterday was prime for me. Someone brought cupcakes to my typography class, I didn't even consider saying no. Someone else had pecan sandies, had a couple of those. I had just finished dinner when my friend called asking if I wanted to go to Liquor Lyles for drinks and apps. Sitting in my living room, I figured, sure I can go and order water and not eat apps, no problem! Well, 3 beers and tons of appetizers later, there I was wanting to punch myself in the face. My roommate had also just eaten dinner, she had maybe 3 cheese curds and declared herself too full for anything more. HOW DOES SHE DO THAT? What is it like to be full? I don't get full until I've stuffed everything I can into my face. I don't understand.
It's April 1. I'm done with feeling guilty about food. I'm done with giving into temptation. I'm done wanting to beat myself up. If fighting temptation makes me feel great, why don't I do it more often? Why do I give in to temptation when all it does is make me feel like crap later? WHY? It doesn't make sense, so I'm done doing it.
I am making a promise to you, dear readers, for the month of April, I will not have one cheat, I will not give in to one temptation. You are holding me to it. I want to see if I can do it. If I have enough willpower and self discipline to do it. One solid month of ZERO CHEATS. No little nibbles, no dinners out, no alcohol, no pop, just good for me food. LET'S DO THIS!!!
Don't be so hard on yourself! I had to actually change my mentalty from "no cheats" to "I choose to eat this". The power that you are seeking isn't willpower to say "No" to healthy food, but rather a power to choose WHEN you have those yummy foods and how much you have. ALl foods in moderation are OK.
ReplyDelete