Figuring it out.

Again, I'm not kidding about the brutal honesty. I'm not hiding anything that is remotely attached to getting healthy and fit.


I would like to somewhat apologize for my post on Monday. I was angry and sad, but I still stand by what I said. I guess I'm just apologizing for the language and the way I said it. 


I feel like if you binge and don't try to figure out why it happened, you're not doing yourself any good. If you can't attack the problem behind the binge, the reasons that lead to it, then it will happen again. I don't think washing your hands, cleaning up the dishes, and saying, "Oops! Let's not get down on myself, everyone makes mistakes, and I can change my ways with the very next meal." Sure, you're being positive about it, you're not dwelling on what you did, but you're not fixing the underlying problem. 


I haven't been myself for a few weeks, maybe even a few months. My temper is getting the best of me, I'm not my usual happy self, and I feel blah. I've been ignoring it, living through it, and not trying to figure out why I feel the way I do. I think the best thing for me to do is to do some self exploration, take an active role in my emotions, and maybe even explore the possibility of professional help. I'm not a headcase, but I'm not myself and I want to figure out why, and how I can get myself back. 


I've known for a while that I binge because of emotions, but Sunday was the worst its ever been. I can't just ignore what I did and why I did it. If I want to be successful, I have to do what's necessary to be not only physically, but mentally as well.